Mid Life Melanin MaMa

For we need a little Christmas right this very minute...

I wanted these perfect photos for Christmas 2020.

We decorated our tree and filled our stockings.

Every year we take photos in a beautiful location.

2020 as we all know has been very different

Then I thought I want our photos to reflect our real life. The real life of being a Pre Schooler who’s greatest joy is jumping and running ‍♀️. A Midlife Mama who is sometimes at her wits end. In our king size Co-sleeper so this mama can get a few extra . Most of all at the center of it all is Love ❤️ & Laughter

So here we are with our 2020 Christmas Photos . Imperfect but,
Full of Chaos, Love, Laughter, Family & Faith. Thank you for being part of our Family and part of our village.

I kept it simple for the both of us at the top. Maroon top for me and gingerbread Christmas leggings and for Zi’Joy a pink top and Unicorn Christmas Leggings and Christmas socks.

Have a win Christmas Family.

Have you put up your Christmas decorations yet?

Forgot to include our table top tree

Have you ever needed to give a motivational speech?

Not to a large group or even a small group. I’m talking about to someone who depends on you for everything. The one who looks at you to make it right. The one you have to be better for because failure and giving up is not an option.

Zi’Joy has come through the fire she has been in her young life more than some will ever have to go through. I’ve met so many children and parents that have just been warriors this year.

I’ve given so much that my cup has been empty. My friend took these photos of Zi’Joy and I and she sent them to me. If a photo was worth a 1,000 words what would each one of these say?

Zi’Joy asked why her legs stop working.

I had run out of words and we had sat there for a long time alone just sitting quietly. The lesson I had to learn was that I cannot fix everything and that it is okay to let her just be sad.

After a bit she said Donna I’m okay. I’m not sad and I told her it was perfectly okay to feel that way and sadness is just how people feel sometimes even grownups. After that she crawled into my arms and I said her favorite word of the moment POOP AND SHE JUST GIGGLED.

These 2 photos described 2020 for me as it comes to a close.

As always thank you for following our journey and giving me room to share.

America is Breathing and I came to see how my Family is doing?

Me an Zi well we have been so busy. I wish I could post videos here because it is easier. We rolled right from her being paralyzed to gaining back 90% mobility through her hard work and intestinal fortitude.

Then here comes Covid or as we call it the Rona. I swear. 2020 just wanted to make me scream but as we weathered that storm then here comes The horrific events of the past few weeks.

My heart is so heavy yet I understand that underneath it all we have more in common than people are willing to realize. My greatest dream was to purchase an RV or camper van and travel with my 3 year old when I retired also to tour state parks and go camping but I am so scared to do that and that is what it feels like to live in fear.

Fear is not this big bad bold thing. It is what keeps you in line it is why I have to someday have “the talk” with my beautiful toddler. About how to behave when police approach. I wish life could be like YLF and the MidLife. I was never fearful in the Army I stood proud with other men and women of all backgrounds.

My heart is heavy to admit that now I experience a great fear because I am black and now at 46 this extends to my child. Yes all lives matter but #blacklivesmatter when we live in fear and others don’t.

I cried when I opened up YLF to read Angies words. I recently returned to work just 2 weeks ago and it is a ghost town in Chicago under Military rule and Police patrols. I was fearful before now, I’m scared.

Yet we find a way to live and we find a way to laugh and we find a way to celebrate. I hope you all are breathing deep because this too shall pass.

Love y’all family
Donna

Very long

Almost 2 weeks ago I posted about having a craptastic wardrobe.

From that moment until this I’ve given myself a make over for our new journey and my return to work. Many know my daughter was diagnosed with one of the rarest viruses in the world AFM Acute (suddenly and immediate) Flaccid (limp body and internal organs) Myelitis (swelling in the back and spine) on January 20,2020. Zi’Joy lost control and function of her body from the waist down.

My priority has only been for my rainbow baby who is almost 3 and her healing and all of her Drs/Physical/Occupational therapy and counseling appointments. My craptastic mom wardrobe was severely lacking and I was showing signs of just not caring about myself. As one YLF Family said you are experiencing an emotional trauma.

I decided to do a major overhaul of my wardrobe and it helped that we are moving so I decided to see what works for my life now and work life when I return from UnPaid FMLA. My body is not what it used to be and I’ve put on some weight that has come with stress eating.

I bagged up 5 large trash bags for donation things that I did not love or were not used in my life . 2 bags went to the trash can the others to my local donation center. I went through all of my footwear and did the same.

Next I made a list of what I needed what would serve me and moving forward what our days are like . Sitting waiting bending standing riding in long car rides for appointments meetings etc etc i did the same for work.

I set my budget lord sometimes you have to treat yourself. The good news for me is I’m a multiples person. If I see something and it looks good I buy in 2 or 5 different colors. Cause it’s easier.

I went to Walmart, Citi Trends, Rainbow and The local Thrift store because I did not have to think to hard or go to other stores with list in hand.

*Walmart
(These were all serviceable items)

1) 5 parirs of jeggings (different colors)

2)6 pairs of jeans for work
(the seat and thighs wear out over time)

3) 4 pairs of athletic bottoms 2 calf length and 2 floor length (for OT & PT)

4) foundational garments
4 sports bras
2 regular bras
20 new pairs of socks

*Rainbow and Citi trends
(My fun Flair)

1) 2 sweat tops (zip up red and yellow)

2) 3 Afrocentric tops (graphic tee shirts)

3) 5 dresses ( all cute and seasonless)

4). 1 skirt and 1 top with flair.
(Would have bought multiple but they were sold out in my size)

*Thrift Shopping
(My Frugal Style)

1) 2 sweater dresses (multiple different colors)

2) Wool sweater coat (So warm perfect for car rides and travel transitions to car parking lots and hospital visits when lugging a toddler around.

3) a pair of new boots from jambo. An excellent line of footwear my size. Looking for more retail $140 paid $12.99
(Score-gasim)

I carry a military style backpack that I’ve had sense Zi’Joy was born and it serves me very well I can be hands free to hold little ones hands.

This is my form of Athlisure Style and part updated Grunge look that I rocked in the 90s. I threw away all of my pregnancy leggings except for one pair I wear around the house.

We got some great news about Zi’Joy she will never be fully rid of AFM she is 1 of 900 cases world wide and 1 in a million she is a medical Miracle and her leading Neurologist in this Field says she is the the top 5% of recovery. The best she has ever seen. Shriners Children's Hospital is on Wednesday so hoping they will take our case.

This was a fun post and thank you for reading

Mama Donna.

This has been my look and probably why I really don’t post much anymore.

I debated on if I should Post this picture or not.

Today was the 1st time I looked in the mirror. I mean really looked.
I saw me for the 1st time
I used to be so fashionable.
I realized slowly but surely my wardrobe had become leggings, Ill fitting T-shirt, and white socks and cheap Walmart gym shoes.

I actually had more Ill fitting clothes in my hand to purchase to just do the job of covering me up.

Almost 3 years into motherhood I’ve had 2 self care moments and both were with my daughter with me.

She is back in daycare 2 hours a day 3 days a week. When not in daycare we are at Drs appointments and Physical and Occupational Therapy. I use that time to run errands and make phone calls and appointments.

I put what I had in my hand back on the rack. My body has changed so much and time is precious when solo parenting a sick child but if I am completely honest I was headed this way long before AFM Acute Flaccid Myelitis interrupted my daughter’s life on January 10,2020.

Tonight I’m taking a few hours to go through my things and purge keeping only what looks good and makes me happy and is serviceable. There are moments where I see who I used to be. I realize that no matter how hard I try to hold onto that person.

She is no longer me.

So today I said goodbye to her because I’m evolving into something new. I know I am a Queen and a Warrior but even They rest. Right now I’m treading water but I want to build a strong and sturdy ship that will last. AFM will not Win but it has certainly been a fight.

Someone asked me today why are you not bubbly anymore. I said because I’m finding my way in our new normal. With an outline of what I thought our life was going to be like vs the reality & odyssey we are currently on. I think Year one will be the hardest until we find our rhythm and I’m only in month 1.

Zi’Joy will be 3 years old in 60 days
and
I will be 46 years old in 90 days

I choose to put the clothes back that I had in hand after someone laughed at how I was dressed. She seems like that kind of person that would make fun of you and post a craptastic photo of you on social media with an horrific title.

I just wanted to tell her I was a tired solo parent who’s toddler in the midst of a battle after being completely paralyzed from the waist down at the beginning of the year of 2020 and I’m doing the best I can to keep it together each day. Instead I just put back those I’ll fitting cheap clothes and walked out of the store.

Bruised but NOT DEFEATED
MaMa Donna

When my daughter woke up and said Donna I want to wear my princess dress and crown. I knew exactly what she had in mind.

So we began our simple transformation into The Princess and the Queen at Chicago’s Garfield Park Conservatory. It’s 183 acres of indoor green house and outdoor beauty. The perfect backdrop to our impromptu holiday photoshoot.

Not long after that we visited Clod Gate (aka the Bean) in downtown Chicago.

I look back at this year and think I’ve only made 3 post. Only 3!!!!

Whew this year has wiped me out for real. We have still been about town Day Tripping and will be turning our day trips into road trips for 2020. I look forward to new and amazing adventures and sharing more with you all.

When I say that motherhood in my Midlife has completely changed who I am. That is most certainly true. Women are WARRIORS IN THE FLESH.

The person that took our pictures said we were giving them “Alice In Wonderland” vibes hence the title.

Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Happy Kwanzaa
& Happy New Year
Zi’Joy & MaMa Donna

Who else loves Frozen?

I know I cannot be the only adult who does. Well we went to Go see Frozen this weekend and it was EPIC. I’m so glad there were parts for adults as well as kids. I went with a 71 year old a 45 year old(me) a 17 year old and my 2 year old and we all enjoyed it.

After we went there I took my toddler to the Glorious Lake Front of Chicago and Navy Pier which my daughter thought was the beloved home of Anna & Elssa of Erindale. We wandered all over looking for them. Glad I brought the stroller. Oh my I must have walked about 4 miles if not more.

Hence the the title. Anyway. We had to bundle up because it was so could I thrifted my daughters outfit snow pants and Anna and Elsa hat and rolled up the snow pants when she played in the water. I brought her a change of clothing and boots just in case. I did not need them. In total we spent 5 hours downtown but it was so lovely.

I had my camo coat which I love it is water proof and unique and extra wide calf rainboots I bought from Walmart of all places. I will keep them forever. We had such a good weekend. Navy Pier in Chicago is amazing and I’m hoping to travel the US with my daughter next year. The last time I went anywhere was my solo trip to New Orleans a few years back before surprise baby.

I hope you all have a great weekend If you celebrate the Holiday Happy thanksgiving . As always I’m still viewing YLF not really commenting but love you guys

Sometimes everything goes boom in a good way.

We have been still out here getting our life. Today was filled with so many great things. I’m learning how to take more selfies so I think I may be able to post a bit more. Anyway today we went thrift shopping at our local Fleek Market and was gifted these great hula hoops we then went to the park and played for about 3HOURS.

This evening at our local park we met a group of women. A club called 40+ Double Dutch Club simply amazing. Zi’Joy heard the skipping of the rope and wanted to go over. These women ranged in age from 41. To 53. They are most certainly the bomb. I wished I could post video

We played:
Double Dutch
Chinese Rope
(Jump in jump out jump side to side jump on jump in jump out)
Jacks
Hula Hoops

And had the best 2 hours. They are out there every Saturday. Brought back great memories. We also took some great selfies. My daughter found this tree branch and we used it as a walking stick and prop for our photo shoot. We are on fb if you would like to follow us MidLife Melanin MaMa

Thank you for reading.

It was a surprise wedding and oh boy it was so much fun. Our friend invited us to a beautiful brunch and my little one was included. The only request was to wear something white. I wore this white mesh top with little silver balls attached harem denim joggers and silver white sequins tennis shoes. Hey, my 2 year old is a distance Olympic runner. I need to be ready.

My daughter wore a lace dress silver beaded necklaces a fascinator made of lace and flowers. It was so cute. Sorry I did not get a picture of us standing to show my full outfit but trust it was cute.
I hope this post finds you all well and enjoying the fashionable journey.

Miss you all so much Family!!!

L

Tis the season to dress as warmly as possible. Hey Family, we hope you are all enjoying winter as much as we are. The weather here in the Chi has been wacky and warm but on this day it was 10 degrees. We enjoyed a winter wonderland Festival at our local veterans park on this day.

We hope you all have a Merry Merry and a Happy Happy.

Until next time.