Am I a Phenomenal woman?
Who gets to decide
Why do we do this to ourselves?
1)Tear ourselves down.
2)Allow others to tear us down.
3)Hear 99 positive things but crumble at the 1 negative.
4)See a bad photo instead of the 1 that is beautiful
5)Allow negative voices to come into our space and live there.
6)Compare ourselves to the "beautiful " ones.
7)Choose to be less than phenomenal
This post was inspired by myself and how I've been feeling well most of my life and also a post by Heather.enhui. I provided a link if you want to read.
http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....-bad-photo
I'm quoting myself now.
"I'm not the beautiful person that gets asked out by someone. I'm not that person who men will turn there heads to look at like my beautiful best friend. I know my place and situation. I host a rebellion in my mind everyday against the images as an onslaught of things that tell me I'm not good enough."
I was at Combat to Chic Thrift Boutique last night volunteering as I normally do.
Link provided:https://www.facebook.com/combat2chic/?ref=ts&fref=ts
Donations and guest sellers items were being put out in the racks. I am a curvy short size 18 or 2x with a 11wide with shoe. Thanks daddy hahahahahaha. Clothing shoes undergarments are the bane of my existence. It is challenging on a perfect day to find a good sturdy shoe. So my perfect wardrobe came in by way of guest seller. Combat to Chic host guest sellers every month which is phenomenal. Boot after boot my mouth was hanging open and almost near hit the floor when I saw these White knee high boots that fit me like a second skin. Baby PLEASE! LAWD I About had a heart attack. Lolo
I am having an all white fit made and the Designer TEM from HOUSE of TEM. He asked me to try it on. I did that and it needed some small adjustments. It was a beautiful all white one shoulder jumpsuit. It was Phenomenal I felt well, I felt like it was not right for me. Who was I to wear something so beautiful. Meosha,Tem and my friend Angela said that I looked great beyond great to the point of embarrassing me and making me feel uncomfortable with the comments of beautiful.
I started to wonder why I was feeling like that. The jumpsuit had everything I loved flowlyness wide legs rouched on the sides so I could tie the pant leg up if I needed too. Wide and deep pockets for carrying my stuff and housing dancing. Beautiful one shoulder sleeve and was draped to the gods. I was told repeatedly that my body looked beyond phenomenal in it. Tem said that is what a custom garment is supposed to make you feel like a phenomenal woman.
Only I did not feel phenomenal. I felt like a fish out of water. A kid out of her element. I like attention but was not sure how to receive it. It feels like I was playing dress up and this beautiful garment was made for me and had everything I wear on a daily basis. Why did I not feel phenomenal? What did I need to think on to make not feel worthy of being beautiful? I needed time to myself but we had a lot of work to do. We had to put away clothing. Take pictures talk and just enjoy each other's company as friends do.
I went on a low budget shopping spree at the op shop a few days before. The Salvation Army down the street from my house had a big donation from Layne Bryant new undergarments with the tags still on them. These sets were $2 each and my size. I snapped up 5 sets. Even though they had the tags still on, everything gets washed. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would purchase undergarments from the op shop. There I was putting them in the basket. All the while thinking "these are for a phenomenal woman". "These are not my life". "My life is Hanes her way cotton granny panties ". But in the back of my mind I kept hearing Tamar Braxton "girl get your life"
As our night ended we all said our goodbyes Tem said he would make the necessary adjustments and we went our separate ways. I left with my purchases of these boots and booties. All I could say when trying them on are "these are so pretty". "They fit me". "This is not my life". In the back of my head I kept hearing. "Dress for the life you live". On the flip side I kept hearing. "Woman get your life" "get the life you want". " get your life", "create the life you want and deserve ". "Be phenomenal". Like The poet Maya Angelou wrote.
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I know this post is long. I hope you were able to see what I see. We are all beautifully and wonderfully made. Now we just have to believe it.
